yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
