You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
