i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize