If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
