On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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