my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
