The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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