textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
