You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
