the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
