We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
