Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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