i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
