i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.