Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?