mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me