I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"