Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5495) Bad night (1040)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

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  (843): if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume. http://tfl.nu/blds
  Replies (47) Good night (3712) Bad night (722)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip

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  (702): Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip http://tfl.nu/lsox
  Replies (10) Good night (3155) Bad night (802)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

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  (208): His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/55rt
  Replies (14) Good night (4958) Bad night (1607)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.

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  (405): I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible. http://tfl.nu/59e7
  Replies (19) Good night (831) Bad night (3671)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars

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  (248): Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars http://tfl.nu/5z1n
  Replies (10) Good night (4918) Bad night (1051)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?

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  (214): You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right? http://tfl.nu/pmdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1088) Bad night (2512)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.

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  (573): you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment. http://tfl.nu/2sfo
  Replies (7) Good night (1797) Bad night (530)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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  (775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl
  Replies (7) Good night (3671) Bad night (650)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1294) Bad night (435)
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  (951): View more from California

  I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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  (951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1812) Bad night (694)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.

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  (919): so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow... (1-919): I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that. http://tfl.nu/ee0c
  Replies (0) Good night (1812) Bad night (417)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success

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  (413): The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success http://tfl.nu/ro65
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (832)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?

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  (850): Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'? http://tfl.nu/7fyz
  Replies (1) Good night (307) Bad night (386)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron

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  (620): Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron http://tfl.nu/6cz2
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (198)

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