so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
