11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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