dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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