i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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