The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
