yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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