new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize