No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
