Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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