last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
