Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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