I think I am morally bankrupt
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
