In the future we'll all be gay
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
