I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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