Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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