Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
