My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
