you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize