I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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