just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
