No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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