Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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