I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
