thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Houston, we have a squirter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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