So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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