when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
