im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
