if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We don't watch enough power rangers
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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