he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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