College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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