mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
