You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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