just tell him i said nine months
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
