I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
