I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
