looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
