If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
