it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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