This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
