$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
