I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
