My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Non-Jews are for practice
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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