I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
