So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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