i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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