M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
