can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
