Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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