Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
