Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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