Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
