the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
