Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
